Where Are My Figures of The Angry Video Game Nerd?

No joke about it, online funnyman would make fun figures...

Yes, I know this is a strange addition to the "Where’s My Figures Of" articles, but come on now. Who hasn’t thought about having some figures based on one of the funniest online characters that I have had the pleasure of enjoying since he came onto the scene several years ago. I’m talking about James Rolfe’s creation, The Angry Video Game Nerd!

According to the official AVGN site (cinemassacre.com/AVGN/Nes_Nerd.html), James started "The Nerd" as a little joke back in May of 2004. He picked a classic game, in this case Castlevania 2, and focused on all of its flaws. During the course of the video he becomes very "involved" with the game, and thus the hilarious swearing Angry Video Game Nerd was born.

Now, you may be asking yourself “Why would we want figures based on the AVGN?” Well, why not? He’s an intriguing character and I think he would translate well into action figures. And not just any ol' action figures, RETRO-STYLE ACTION FIGURES. I mean, his whole shtick is "He’s gonna take you back to the past," so why not make toys in the style of action figures of the 80’s!

Now, the initial wave would include a couple of different Nerds and would include a villain in the form of a demon-possessed Super Mario Bros. 3 NES cartridge. Add cool action features, mini-game accessories and a play set with sound effects and you would have yourself a heck of a fun line. Let’s take a look...

* Angry Video Game Nerd with Double Fisted Drinking Action: The first figure in the line would be the AVGN with the cool action feature where you could place a bottle in each of his hands and by hitting a button on his back, he would raise his hands to his head and pop his head back in a drinking action! He would include accessories in the form of two bottles (Rolling Rock), a NES knockoff system, and a tiny copy of one of the worst games created for the NES, Bible Adventures.

* Angry Video Game Nerd with Freak Out Face: Based on some of my favorite old school action features from the Real Ghostbusters line released by Kenner, pressing a button on this AVGN’s back would make his jaw drop and his eye’s bulge out in anger. He would include accessories in the form of an "exploding" Sega Genesis 32X, BBQ grill and a mini-cartridge of Primal Rage.

* Angry Video Game Nerd with Power Glove Throwing Action: This AVGN would have a throwing action much like the old Bravestarr figure, Handlebar. You would load a small game cartridge into his Nintendo Power Gloved hand and press the button on his side and he would proceed to launch the cartridge like a throwing disk. He would come with several game cartridges as well as some cardboard stand-ups that could be used for target practice. These would be of bad Power Glove games such as Top Gun and Punch-Out.

* Angry Video Game Possessed Super Mario 3 Cartridge: Super Marios 3 is too good, a game so perfect that it could only be the creation of Beelzebub, the Lord of Darkness. The cartridge wouldn’t be anywhere to scale and would be as large as the AVGN figures in the line. It would have a button in the back of it that when pressed, the mouth and eyes on the Mario on the cartridge would move. It would also have a firing projectile in the form of vomit that would fire from a small attachment that would clip onto its side. Because let’s face it, how often did you get figures that had a firing mechanism that wasn’t exactly what it should be. Best of all, the cartidge would split apart revealing a removeable bonus demon figure inside. A Super Mega Death Christ 2000 BC Version 4.0 Beta action figure would join to battle this evil figure in AVGN Action Figure Series 2.

The major play set of the series would be The Nerd’s Game Room, where you could place any AVGN figure on his couch in front of his rack of ancient gaming systems. The set would include bonus mini-game cartridges that you could place into the respective systems and they of course would all be awful games. Also, the set would come with accessories for The Nerd to hold such as the light gun and various weapons such as a bat and a toaster to place bad games into and destroy. The real selling point of the play set, aside from being a great environment for the other figues, would be its mature rated sound effects. Lets all be honest, he's not the Angry Video Game Nerd without his colorful vocabulary.

This toy line would be a nightmare to create because of licensing, but man, would it be more fun than playing Wally Bear and The No! Gang on the NES... with the Power Glove.

- Jason Devall